We go through a hard time when our only option is to put our baby in child care after a short two month maternity leave because we have to work. I have two different experiences and about to see what my third one is going to be. When I had my first kid I felt like the worst mom because I had to work and his dad to, the only option was daycare. At that time I had a job with two different work hours 9am-6pm and 12pm to 9pm, the time spent with my kid was very little and the mom guilt was big. His dad was the one that picked him up from daycare and had him from 2pm until I got home, but by the time I got home it was dinner time and time for bed and other times my son was already sleeping.
How do we deal with this? For the longest time I hold myself responsible for it, to be fair, I got pregnant 6 month into the relationship and nothing was set. I received many blessings along the way and I only appreciated them after a long time but it was a hard journey. As a mom we feel completely responsible for anything that happens even if we are not single. I learn that when time seem tough we just have to deal with it, we do not have to negate our feelings but we can’t have them overpowering us. I do believe in the power of prayer and I know it help me when it was time to make tough decisions that shifted my house dynamic. But daycare was not an option it was a necessity it was not either/or, so my first born started daycare at only two months old.
To give you some background, I was sent to bed rest at 32weeks because I had started to dilate and I was left without working and I wasn’t going to have a paycheck until my maternity leave was in effect. That’s when I learned about SINOT.
“SINOT (Seguro por Incapacidad No Ocupacional Temporal) is a program in Puerto Rico that provides short-term disability insurance to workers who are unable to work due to non-work-related illnesses or injuries. This government-mandated benefit offers partial wage replacement for eligible employees during their recovery period. Employers and employees both contribute to the fund that supports SINOT.
The benefits include payments for a specified number of weeks, helping workers cover expenses while they are temporarily unable to earn their regular income. In some cases, SINOT may also be extended for pregnancy-related conditions or maternity leave under certain circumstances.”
You can learn more about this on the site of Departamento del Trabajo de Puerto Rico — SINOT – Trabajador – Departamento del Trabajo y Recursos Humanos trabajo.pr.gov
This is not something that your work would tell you so you have to do the process on your own and be on top of things.
Back to mommy guilt; the first day was the hardest and I called my mom crying over the fact that I did things wrong and now my baby has to pay the consequences. I felt bad for a couple of months but thankfully he was taken care of really well on the daycare. After some time I started to understand that my feelings were valid but is not to be use as an excuse for remaining in the same place. I worked hard the following years to be more present and I achieved it, its been with ups and downs but I am more present for my kids, especially for my first born. For the longest time I had that guilt and then his dad and I separated and that was put on top of that. I started to grow once I ended that relationship (for reading I would not bring now) and slowly but surely felt better as time went by because I knew that by working on it I would achieve it. My plan was that by the time my son got into kindergarten I would be able to drop him off and pick him up, I am currently doing that but life changes are forcing me to go back into an 8-5 and I am crying over it. I love working but after being a mom is obvious that I would feel the need to be with my child more.
I still have mom guilt over a few things but in terms of daycare I do think now that it was the best decision because it allow us to grow and be where we are today. I feel the best way to deal with the guilt during the process of putting them in daycare is to keep continuously working to be better and after that be sure the results are there because you never gave up. Yo should always have a person present for you (you have to be present for them also) and I relied a lot on my faith because it kept me strong and sane during the hard times.
In the end, motherhood is a journey filled with challenges, growth, and resilience. The guilt we carry is often a sign of the immense love we have for our children, but it should never overshadow the effort we put into providing for them and creating a better future. Daycare might not have been an easy choice, but it was a necessary one that helped me grow as a mother and a person. It taught me to embrace the blessings amidst the struggles and to trust in my ability to adapt and overcome. For any mom facing similar guilt, remember that you are doing the best you can for your family, and your love and perseverance will always shine through. Lean on your faith, your support system, and, most importantly, yourself—you are stronger than you think.
