In 2018, I made the difficult decision to separate from my son’s father. Growing up, my life centered around church and family. My grandparents were married until they passed, and my parents have celebrated over 30 years together. Divorce was foreign to me, something I only saw among friends whose parents had split in messy, painful ways. It was an experience I never expected for myself.
I got pregnant at 24, only six months into a relationship. Despite our efforts, things didn’t work out, and ultimately, I chose to end it. Breaking the news to my family was terrifying, and I knew some would struggle to understand my decision. I chose not to share specific reasons, hoping to preserve a respectful relationship between my son’s father and my family. I had spent a year trying to make things work, but I finally realized that staying together could do more harm than good. It’s easy to think that “staying together for the kids” is best, but if love and respect are absent between the adults, children can’t mend the gaps.
During that challenging year, I reached a low point. My friends noticed my declining self-esteem and well-being, but it was difficult to feel motivated when my relationship was crumbling. I put on a brave face for my son, even as I struggled internally. I tried everything I could, except therapy. I returned to church, seeking guidance, and found support that solidified my decision. Separating was incredibly painful, but to this day, I believe it was the right choice.
I realized that to be the best mother I could be, I had to focus on being my best self, which meant leaving a relationship that made me question my worth. I don’t hold my ex solely responsible for my feelings; we simply weren’t meant to be together. We each made choices, and I stayed longer than I should have, leaving the relationship even more wounded. I decided to take the lesson from it and grow, which is exactly what I did.
Moving forward, I prioritized raising my son with love and respect. I wanted him to witness healthy, cordial interactions between his parents. Although I dated, I never introduced anyone to my son because I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Dating was a way to step away from an empty house on the nights he was with his dad. As months went by, I found my footing, adjusting to my new reality and starting fresh. I also changed jobs to make time for a Master’s program, something my previous job wouldn’t accommodate.
This journey was about working on myself and focusing on personal growth. I didn’t go looking for love; I just wanted to be a stronger, better person and mother, ultimately providing my son with the best life possible.
